UCLA Journal of Radiation Oncology_SS 2025_FOR PRINT - Flipbook - Page 39
UCLA RADIATION ONCOLOGY JOURNAL
Tyler is quick to point out that “there is loneliness in a neighborhood
despite having friends in the city.” He has launched his own tech
ichard Deming writes in This Exquisite Loneliness about
R
company, so he is home more often than he might otherwise be.
how Walker Evans created his Many Are Called series
Patty works in venture capital, but her background is in people
of photographs of individuals on the New York subway
analytics and more organic recruiting systems. The two of them both
as a way to document “the people, everyday New Yorkers, [who]
tell me that as extroverts, their desire to know their neighbors more
were islands unto themselves.” We often catch our neighbors in
intimately, to have connections next door (or nearly) was pivotal
this same space of deep-in-thought distraction, nearly oblivious at
for starting the project. Tyler now depends on his friends from the
times to the sidewalk they are walking down, to the neighbors they
Co昀昀ee Stoop group for folks to hang out with when he feels lonely
are passing. Who are these neighbors and what are they so deeply
and for someone he trusts to watch their child on short notice if
focused on internally? How might we engage with them to engender
he wants to go for a bike ride. Although they started Co昀昀ee Stoop
community, a connection?
prior to the pregnancy, they are adamant that having formed the
In July 2023, Patty Smith and Tyler Ho昀昀man had what they tell me
group “ensures she knows her neighbors and feels safe within the
was their “we want to meet our neighbors moment” when driving,
community we are raising her in.”
that their most pivotal conversations happen while driving together.
It should be noted, however, that they respect the privacy of their
Patty and Tyler are one of those young, 昀椀t, good-looking San
neighbors. A woman who occasionally attended Stoop Co昀昀ee didn’t
Francisco couples that we all have in our neighborhoods (I’m in the
attend for a few months. While they wondered about her, they didn’t
Sunset District), that we all want to know. Admitted extroverts, the
have contact information or a way to reach out. When they saw
idea to take their co昀昀ee outside every Saturday morning was not a
her again, they learned that the woman had been in a car accident
signi昀椀cant change in routine, simply a change of location. And, by
and had moved in with family during recovery. This is the type of
simply taking their morning routine into a more public space, they
incident they wish they had been in closer contact with her to have
changed their entire neighborhood; they formed a community.
been able to help with, but, again, personal choice is respected. If it
On an overcast Sunday in late-April, I join Patty and Tyler at their
had been one of the core members, they’d have ensured community
dining room table. Their one-year-old plays exuberantly near us
members checked in, brought homemade food and/or grocery
with a joy and comfort that indicates she feels safe in her space and
shopped, and driven her to appointments.
in her community. This is an “in person” couple, generously opening
Patty is very honest about the future of the group. As long as they
their home to me when I reached out wanting to write about their
live in their neighborhood, she is happy to “shepherd,” but notes two
experience and asking them about how others might use their
imperatives: the individuals comprising the group need to feel that
success as a model for their own neighborhoods.
they may create their own small events without Patty and Tyler’s
I am immediately comfortable around Patty and Tyler, and I ask
approval, and, if they leave, they need to ensure there is someone to
if others feel the same. They share that one of the 昀椀rst to become a
shepherd in their place. Ultimately, this began as Patty hoping to
regular to their Saturday “stooping” had what Dr. Laurie Santos
make one new friend, and the group has exceeded all of her dreams
would de昀椀ne as a “liking gap;” he approached others believing they
and is the “biggest delight” that continues to give a daily source of
might not enjoy his company, even if he knew them. The stooping
joy.
has cured him of that anxiety, and about 200 neighbors total have
We can all learn so much from their community-building experience.
joined the WhatsApp group and at least occasionally participate in
In what small ways might we get to know our neighbors, 昀椀nd
Saturday Co昀昀ee Stoop events. A typical Saturday sees as many as
community, and foster and realize both friendships and safety in our
30-40 neighbors in attendance, and their events, such as pancake
daily engagement? Patty and Tyler have provided a clear and easy
breakfasts, draw even more. The WhatsApp group has various
example of how this might be possible. ☐
threads, too, so one might list or 昀椀nd a household item within
carrying distance, join a group of dads for play dates, or join a
Contributed by: Ciara Shuttleworth
trivia group to go weekly to the bar down the street together. The
Ciara Shuttleworth is an alumnus of the prestigious San Francisco Art
Institute. She has worked for three prominent San Francisco 昀椀ne art
galleries. Additionally, she has provided art consulting for private and
corporate collections, including Google. She is also a published writer with
works in the Norton Introduction to Literature and The New Yorker. Her
most recent book is the poetry collection, Rabbit Heart.
community no longer revolves around Patty and Tyler’s initial co昀昀ee
group, but has grown so that individual connections have been made
and there are signi昀椀cant friendships within the collective.
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